SCHOOL ZONES

There are two school zones within a few blocks of each other on a street I drive almost every day. They are both elementary schools - one Christian school with a 25 mph speed limit and the other is a private school with a 15 mph speed limit.

My son:  "Mom, you're going too slow. Speed up or you'll get a ticket."
Me:  "This is a school zone and I'm going the required speed limit"
Son:  "No, you're going too slow. You where going faster in the last school zone."
Me:   "That was a Christian elementary school and the limit was 25 mph. This is a Private school and and the speed limit is 15 mph."
Son:  "Why would they do that? Give them different speed limits if they're both elementary schools?"
Me (not being privy to how they set school zones):  "The private school kids aren't as fast as the christian school kids so they have a slower speed limit.
Then me (because I just couldn't resist - and I tried,  God help me, I tried!)  "The Catholic schools don't have a speed limit at all because those kids are really fast.   Those kids are super heroes."

My son just stared at me for what seemed like the longest time, then said:  "Don't talk to me.  Don't talk to me, mom, for the rest of the ride." He then put earphones in, cranked up the tunes he had stored on his phone and that was it until we got to our destination.

Well, I thought it was as good an excuse as any and I only have a couple of years left before their brains are fully developed and I won't be able to mess with their heads anymore. This is my one joy in life - right up there with wine and The Sims 2!
(©2015 RayleneDeschenes)

THE EPIPHANY

Two days ago I had an experience I have not been able to speak of until today.  It was an experience I won't soon forget, and one I'm sure I won't experience again anytime soon.  The only way I can describe what happened would be.........well..........It was an epiphany of sorts.  Yes, that was it - I had an epiphany!

I was taking Frankie (my son) to work that day.  It was hot, it was humid, we got a late start and were really pushing it time wise, so we decided this time we'd take the Freeway.  No sooner did we get to the I 95 exit, right past the point of no return did we realize we were in Hell and the only thing we could do is go with it.  This was the start of Happy Hour on the freeway and we were stuck right dab in the middle of it.  Oh joy of joys. 

We sauntered along at a snails pace.  Going.  Stopping.  Going. Slowing, going, stopping.  Gunning it only to stop on a dime to keep some dumb-ass I had noticed earlier and who didn't have a clue what the hell she was doing from cutting in front of us. My air conditioner was on. It was blowing warm to almost hot air at us, but it was a breeze and the hot air it was blowing was not as hot as the air outside, so we left it on, then flipped off the dumb-ass from earlier who managed to cut in front of us after all, and miserably pushed forward, hoping to get to our destination before we died of old age or heat stroke - which ever happened first.

While I was busy swearing at dumb-ass drivers, Frankie managed to remain focused on our goal and started yelling at me to move over the next three lanes NOW or we will miss our turnoff.  I go into Offense Mode, gunning the car and cutting off anybody I had to to get over into the far lane and off onto our exit.

The car jerked then jerked again.  I gunned it, it kinda sorta kicked into gear, did some weird thing and stuttered up the hill, barely making it into the turn lane.  While the car was doing it's damnedest to follow my commands, I look at the dash and notice a light that wasn't on a few minutes before.  I look at Frankie and say, "Well, that light wasn't on a minute ago.  I don't know what it means.  Little squiggly lines across with a strait line going down and a circle above it.  Hmmm.  Probably oil - well, I'll worry about that latter."

Frankie looks at it and immediately is turning off the air conditioner and opening the windows.  Just as we get into the turn lane the light turns yellow, then red.  Frankie yells at me to keep going and run the light, "Go, mom!  GO!"

But I didn't go.  I stopped.

"OMG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Frankie yelled at me.   "I'm not running a red light!  I explained that to you before." I replied. "And turn the AC back on!"   "Mom, you're over heating!  We'll get stuck here in the turn lane now! If you ran the light we could of pulled over in that vacant lot and been off the street!"

I look at the temperature thingy and sure enough, It was way beyond the "H".  Holly crap!
"It usually steams before it overheats.  I didn't see any steam.  Maybe the thingy is broken."
" It didn't steam because there is NOTHING left in it to steam!"  Frankie said.   "Oh. That sucks." I replied deciding not to mention I was also out of gas.

The light turned green and I went.  I didn't pull over until I got to a business center parking lot. I pulled in and parked in a space. Frankie got out and walked the rest of the way to work - about a mile and a half, maybe two.

I'm sitting in the car wondering what the hell am I going to do in 110 degree heat while the engine cools off so I can put water in the radiator and be on my merry way.

And that's when it happened.  I looked up to see where I was.

It was just like it would have happened in a movie.  Time stood still.  The clouds opened up, and I swear to God I heard angels sing.  I was broke down in front of a Bar and Grill.  YES!  I had pulled up to a Bar and Grill.  I was stranded, for God knows how long, at a Bar and Grill!  "THANK YOU, BABY JESUS!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!"

I walked into the Bar and Grill,  explained my dilemma to the manager who let me barrow his phone (a whole other story), called AAA to bring me gas - no rush, then found the perfect spot at the bar and ordered a glass of wine secure in the knowledge that someone "up there" is looking out for me - Thank you, Daddy......

(©2015 RayleneDeschenes)