All I'm Asking, Lord... by Moi!

All I'm Asking, Lord..... could be both a poem and a song! 
That's right!   I wrote this originally to be sung to Janice Joplin's "Lord, Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes Benz!" 
(I'm clever like that!  LOL!))

Lord won't you buy me
a new pair of blue jeans

these jeans are old jeans
I'm bursting my inseams

And Lord,
if you'd be so kind
to throw in a bra

to help minimize
my one figure flaw!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My Grandma Deschenes

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH: One of the first mastectomies ever performed at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, NY, was performed on my Grandmother, Dianne Deschenes. She died a few years later.  I'm very proud and in awe of the strengh and courage (that I can't even imagine) she had to have had to allow them to remove both of her breasts - a procedure virtually unheard of and terribly, terribly risky back then. Thank you to her and every other women (and their families) who have gone through this ordeal since. Beacuse of you great strides have been made in the fight against breast cancer that otherwise may have been lost to us . You are all awesome women! And Grandma Deschenes, I am so very proud of you! All our love..........

One Of My MOST Favorite Quotes by Moi! (Me!)

"it is the frustration of failure that drives the will to succeed, producing a feeling of joy and confidence that allows us the strength and determination to move on to the next challenge at hand.  In a nutshell - mankind would still be hanging by our tails in the trees if we didn't have to go out and find our own bananas!"  (©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

City Rain (by Moi! Inspired by my dear friend Max)

Cool wet rain on the streets below
filling, thrashing, tread splashing
pedestrians dashing
couples clashing
Wall Street crashing
concert goers mashing
ho's flashing
pimps cashing
homeless trashing
I feel the cool blue of my diamond ring
all my other bling
I know it ain't over till the fat lady sings!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My friend Max inspired this rap when he posted on his Facebook (12Jun09):
"Cool wet rain on the street below, filling, thrashing, tread splashing....." 
I think this would make a great Rap!  LOL!
I Love you and I miss you, Max!

Ode to Lorena Bobbit

Lorena Bobbit had a knife
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!

Her husband pushed too far one night
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!

She smiled with glee
chop, chop, chop
How will he pee?
chop, chop, chop

All you big guys
think you're neat
don't forget
Revenge is Sweet!
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My Resume And The Upteenth Update

I have spend the last week updating my resume and am still not happy with the results.  How do you acount for the 'year from hell' you have been unemployed?  You have to make it sound interesting, upbeat, and excusable.  Quite a feat, and one I am attacking with relish (a little mustard and onion on a sesame seed bun!  LOL!).

Resumes.  Ahggggggggggg! 

I have been working since I was 13yrs old.  When I found out I was pregnant I quit and spent the next 15 years raising my family.  For quite awhile, the one liner  "raising my family" was sufficient, untill that fateful day a few years ago, when a company hired me and then told me I had to account in detail for those 15 years to complete the hiring process. 

What?

A little peturbed, I went with my sarcastic self and accounted for those fifteen years as follows:

Chief Everything Officer


Deschenes Family
Las Vegas, Nevada
06/1989 - present

*Household and Schedule Organization, Financial Planning and Creative Bookkeeping
(including Extensive Accounts Payable and Accounts Receivable experience)

*Excels at multi tasking

*Unbelievably adept at Conflict Resolution, Self-confidence Restoration and Ego Boosting

* Basic First Aid & Life Saving Techniques as required

*Remains extremely calm during Catastrophes and Catastrophic Events

*Extensive Childcare and Teen Maintenance experience

*Excellently managed a household of three children (infancy thru puberty) and one adult male.

*Absolutely Excellent People Skills
(with people of all ages, backgrounds and varying brain functions)
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

This is damn good if I do say so myself.

Now I have to do it again and I don't think "pleasee see below, minus the one adult male, but insert one cranky senior citizen who's life I have saved numerous times (seriously)"  will do it.  I did contemplate just a "Ditto, minus one adult male, insert one cranky senior citizen who's life I have saved numerous times (seriously)", but felt that showed a lack of seriousness and my rather frivouless attitude tward the application process as a whole.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I probably should not post this untill after I manage to secure a job, but WHAT THE HELL!  Being me, I'm going to post it anyway and hope for the best.  

All I can offer any company is Me.  And that is a lot to offer.  I'm an honest and above-board person who gives any company I'm with 100 percent.  All that I ask is the same in return.  Don't ask me for my thoughts and ideas if you don't want to hear them - I don't like being appeased and I don't like playing games and in return I will afford you the same courtesy.

I fully believe customer service is just that - service!  Every single job is a customer service job if you think about it.   If you think customer service is saying the customers name 3 times and giving them 3.5 minutes of your employees time, then don't hire me.  I'm not for you.  If you believe every customer and every employee really is important and deserves the utmost respect then I'm who you want.  I will amaze and flabergast you and we will be happy campers together for a long time to come!  
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

Ode to Grant

He's got his head up his butt
and he don't know what to do!
It's up so far it's stuck
and he's starting to turn blue!

Call 911, PLEASE HURRY!
the situation's grave!
If you don't get here soon
there'll be NOTHING left to save!

For he feels the need to fart
and it's really rather scary,
he knows that if he farts
he'll blow his head apart!

So 911, please hurry!
Help him if you can!
It's hard to be a big guy
when you're a headless little man!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

96 Tears and 96 Eyes

(inspired by my dear friend Max)

96 tears and 96 eyes
96 hankies from 96 guys
96 ways to say "it's not you"
96 hearts broken and blue
96 different directions to take
all leading to 96 men on the make
96 smiles and maybe a wink
have you blushing in 96 shades of bright pink!
96 nightcaps then "you're place or mine?"
96 reasons his place will be fine
of the 96 voices that shout out "don't go!"
it's your mother's you hear as she shouts "you old ho!"
96 windows watch the rise of the sun
while everyone wonders "what have I done?"
96 couples hurry to dress
this is what I call Booty Call Stress!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)