Why I Don't Eat Eggs

French Toast!  My all time FAVORITE breakfast and the all time fave breakfast of French Royals everywhere!

I can say this with complete confidence as I am the only French Royal that counts and this was my favorite breakfast. That was until I decided, not that long ago, that I'm not eating eggs anymore.  I started thinking, "Would I like to be forced to pop out babies right and left for production purposes, or any purpose for that matter?  No, I would not!", so why should chickens be forced to pop out eggs right and left?

Do you know there is an "egg popping quota"?  Do you know what they use to inspire chickens to meet their quota?  They use a giant, laminated, black and white, cardboard cut-out of Colonel Sanders (of KFC fame) with a wild, evil grin on his face on a tiny little body which they mount on wheels, with him wielding a humongous axe with a conversation bubble over his head that reads "Appetizer, appetizer, gonna have an APPETIZER!" .  Seeing something like that coming at me would certainly make me lay an egg or two as well!  Wouldn't you?

And where is PETA when all this is happening?  I'll tell you where they are - They're at Denny's enjoying a "Grand Slam" breakfast!  That's right!  By the time they finish their eggs, the terrorized chickens back at the farm are laying eggs at an incredible rate and Colonel Sanders goes back in the box having done his job for the day!

DISCLAIMER:  The egg producing inspiration scenario just mentioned is highly unsubstantiated and therefore probably not all that true.  I understand, in real life, they use a real axe with the blood of  low/non egg producing chickens dripping from it while playing the theme song from Jaws in the background!  (This too, is highly unsubstantiated and therefore probably not all that true either.).

Untrue or not, it makes for a good story!  LOL)                                                                                 (©2010 Raylene Deschenes)

What's Up With Watermelon?

Ever wonder what's up with watermelon? Well I have.

It's juicy. So what? All fruit is juicy. It's red. How much red water have YOU drank? It has a green rind. Water can have a green mold. That's 1 point that can be made in watermelon's favor. It has a solid consistency, where as water is a liquid. So I ask you: WHAT'S UP WITH WATERMELON and what kind of crack was the guy who named it on?!?

Better yet, why didn't Webster refuse to put "watermelon" in the dictionary because it didn't make sense? Was Webster on crack too? Where him and the guy who named watermelon in kahoots?  

These are questions I have gone over and over in my mind and I bet you have too! We may never know the answer to these questions, but you can bet, in the very near future, I will answer them anyway. Because I never let a question go unanswered if I can help it! I'm just that good! 
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

A Little Story For Your Grandchildren by Moi!

This was inspired by a Flair Button on Facebook I happened to download to my wall.
Posted on Facebook 061010rd

I want a Fairy Godmother. I want her to wave her wand around, or whack me with it, or what ever she has to do with it to make all my wishes come true. It doesn't have to be Fairy Godmother. Any Fairy will do as long as he/she has a wand to wave, or whack and ...grant wishes.

What was so special about Cinderella, anyway? Was she Royalty? I think not! The only reason she was missed in the Spring Skewering was because her evil stepmother had her locked up and out of reach. If it wasn't for that she would have been a Kabob, plain and simple!

And Prince Charming! I mean what's up with him? He was a mealy mouth guy who caved to pressure from his parents. A woos no less! Thinking with anything but the head on his shoulders, he went for the first thing that popped up (If you know what I mean). Go figure. 

So anyway......where was I? Oh yes! So GET WITH THE PROGRAM YOU WAND WIELDING FAIRIES! Before the only wish I'll have will be that Depends come in bulk!(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

I Want A Relationship (Maybe) And This Is Who I'm Looking For

I just finished reading an article a friend on Facebook posted about unexpected ways to turn on men, or this particular man anyway.  I usually don't read these articles because I usually have no problem turning them on - it's KEEPING a good one that's the problem here.  Keeping a good one and fending off the bad ones.

I am perfectly single and wanted to stay like that forever more, but lately I'm not so sure.  I'm slowly starting to think having a significant other might be kind of nice.  With this in mind, I started thinking what do I want in a man?  These are the nine things that sprung to mind right off the bat:

  1. Happy eyes are the most important thing to me and a HUGE turn on!  I absolutely LOVE eyes      with a little glimmer in them.  They look at you and you can read that they have
     something else in mind, or a little something else going on and they KNOW you are going
     to love it!  Hard to explain, but if you have those eyes you know exactly what I mean!

  2. A sense of humor is the second most important thing to me.  You have to get me, not
      be  offended by me (unless I mean for you to be ), and see me and "All That Is Moi!" as a
      talent and a gift, and something to be enjoyed and loved - not just "quirky".  Quirky is for
      my blond moments, which I have at will - most times.  If you're getting one of my
      blond moments, it's because you have asked for it, and in either a good way or bad way,
      deserve it.

  3. You have to want to be with me and think I am the greatest thing since bread.  But not fawn
     all over me and tell me how I am the greatest thing since bread.  For  if you do that I will
     walk all over you, run you over with my car, back up and run over you again.  At the same
     time, I want to feel you are fascinated with me and respect me for the Royalty I am - whether
     it be for real or in my own little head.

  4. You have to be able to deal with my randomness, my multiple personality's (It's all true
     what they say about Geminis!), and that I try to find the humor in something when
     I'm stressed - It's the only way I know how to deal with stress - finding the funny. 

  5. I want to know if you want the same things I do and I don't want to play games - you
     will loose every time because I am just that good.

  6. I don't want to feel I'm being pressured  into anything.  But at the same time, I want to
     be whisked up and off into the sunset - A LOT!

  7. I'm not going to make the first move and I'll probably not call you - at least not for a
     while, anyway - and you have to be OK with that, make the first move and call me - A LOT!

  8. I want you to take my hand,  I want you to put your arm around me, and I want you to
     give me a kiss - a small one to start out with because the thought of a relationship scares
     the living hell out of me and I might run before I even know I'm running................It's just
     how I roll!  LOL!

  9. If you have the above quality's you will be looking like Johnny Depp to me and what you
     look like to me is all that counts. 

So, if this is you - God help you, and leave me a comment.  For the rest of you - you are missing out on the best thing since bread - BUMMER, DUDES!

Either way - You gotta love me!!!
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

My Kids Are Killing Me!

Hi!
I know!  It's been a while, huh? 
My teenagers were stressing me out to the point I had soooooooooooo much to say, but
not a clue how to say it.  They're like that.  Teenagers:  YOU can't live with them and THEY can't live without you.  This is something they know, but will deny venomously!  It must have something to do with their brains not being fully developed until they're around 25 yrs old.............................

OMG!  It just hit me.  I HAVE 8 MORE YEARS OF AMUCK RUNNING HORMONES AND LIMITED BRAIN FUNCTIONING ACTIONS OF MY CHILDREN?!?    8 MORE YEARS???!!!!????

I will not last 8 more years!  They will kill me and feed me to those "Happy Assed Chirpy Birds" as an appetizer!  Please, say it isn't so! 

I know.  I'm in denial.  I like denial.  I don't know who decided "denial" was a bad place to be, it's MY favorite place to be second only to "The Kingdom Of All That Is Moi!"  (my happy place). Denial works for me!  So, go ahead - tell me it will all be peachy in the morning.  Just say, "Raylene, It-will-all-be-peachy......."  It's easy, you can do it...............I KNOW you didn't just refuse to tell me that!  Well, could you say "MAYBE it will all be peachy in the morning"?.......Or say that there's a 50/50 chance that it will be peachy in the morning? .............40/60chance? ..........30/70? ............10/90?   ............a nano bite of a chance, perhaps?

LIE TO ME, DAMN IT!  LIE TO ME!

.............................I'm doomed.........................................

(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

A Quick Thought On Imagination, Or Lack Thereof....

Without imagination we wouldn't be were we are today. Yet, imaginative people are looked at as immature, or a little odd, and the connotations that are attached to the word "artsy" are anything but complimentary. All through childhood, you are accused of daydreaming like it's a bad thing. Time and time again, fantasy and imagination is push further and further to the side until it is no more. I have learned, creativity is a gift that very few people have been given. I think it is a conspiracy amongst the populace, born of jealousy and envy, to squish that which they will never possess - the infinite world in which we (being the creative) live.
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

The Definition of Raylene

There was a chain post going around Facebook that asked you to go to Urban Dictionary.com, enter your name and post the definition given in comments under the chain post. 

I usually don't get envolved with these things because I've never considered myself one of the sheep and I think it's silly.  With that being said, I was curious.   


A few people apparently, had a not so good encounter with a Raylene and was less than steller in their review of her. I googled me and found there is a porn star who happens to be named Raylene. Doesn't that just figure?! What it did say was something I refuse to repeat and have therefore decided write what it is that they MEANT to say had they not had their head up their asses at the time. LOL! :)
Please enjoy!

Raylene: 
* Someone who wants it all and will never again settle for less.
* Multiple personalities she turns on and off in an instant. Gives new meaning to the word "Multidimensional".
* If you had to describe her in one word, you couldn't - she IS that hot!
* Sister Theresa's little sister, but the family won't confirm that.  They just say "one day she's in, and the next day.........she's out."
* She rolls smooth.
* You cant touch that!
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

The Sell

"Hello! May I speak to Mary Francis, please?"

"This is Mary Francis."

"Mary Francis at 232 N. 38th Street?"

"Yes?"

"CONGRATULATIONS, Mary Francis! This is J. Blo, at KWHY Radio, and you have won the Grand Prize in our Jackpot Drawing!"

"I WON?" "ME?  Oh my God, I won!"   "I WON!"

"Grand Prize?" "I won Grand Prize?" "What? What did I win?"

"You, Mary Francis, have won a ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION TO THE CONDOM OF THE MONTH CLUB! Each month you will receive a case of their most popular designs, a different design each month for twelve months!"   "CONGRATULATIONS, MARY FRANCIS!"

"But....but....what am I going to do with them? I don't need condoms.."

"Mary Francis, of course you need condoms! EVERYBODY needs condoms, Mary Francis!" "Are you married, Mary Francis?"

"Well, yes I am, but..."

"Then this is PERFECT for you! I mean how many of us truly know where our husbands or wives have been every waking minute of every day, Mary Francis? Why, none of us do, Mary Francis, and that's why this prize is the prize for YOU! Now, I just need a little more..."

"But you don't understand."

"Oh, yes I do, Mary Francis! Yes, I do! You are in denial, Mary Francis! You need protection, Mary Francis, and we at KWHY Radio and the Condom Of The Month Club are here for you! You'll be glad you have these when you finally come to see him for the slime ball he is! Now, I just need a little more info, Mary Francis and you'll be able to start enjoying your prize in 7 to 10 days from today! Just think, Mary Francis, you will no longer need to worry about where he's been or with who! You will be able to 'have at it', Mary Francis, with who ever you want, when ever you want, with out having to stop and make a mad dash to the corner store because you were unprepared! A years worth of dissese free encounters are waiting for you just around the corner, Mary Francis! Now, I need your..."

"STOP! My name is SISTER Mary Francis! I am MARRIED to the CHURCH, and I won't be needing any condoms, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

"Oh, Sister! I am so sorry!" "Maybe you could give them to the Bishop. He may know a priest of questionable..."


CLICK!
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

Stupid People And Why We Need Them! (Inspired by my friend Bren, who takes no prisoners!)

I spent a good part of today traveling across town, dealing with Stupid People who weren't quite dumb enough to fail their driving test, but were dumb enough to be driving like idiots on the same street I was driving on. Not only that, but I hit an endless mirage of school zones, where the previously mentioned idiots were picking up their offspring. These kids were having trouble putting one foot in front of the other and the only reason for that, is either all the texting they were busy doing, or that they are idiots themselves. I'm going with probability that Idiots beget Idiots


Therefore, it came as no surprise, when a friend mentioned recently,that she would like to see Stupid People spayed and neutered. What a wonderful idea! When it was proposed to me, I was ready to follow her into the battle - To weed out dumb-nuts where ever they be! To strengthen our species and create a more intelligent human being to drive the streets of tomorrow into an idiot-free future for all!

As I poured a glass of wine and contemplated the ensuing battle, I realized Stupid People do serve a purpose here on earth. After my second glass of wine, I came up with a list of ten reasons Stupid People exist have decided to share those reason with you. I hope, the next time you have to interact with an idiot, you will think of this list and find it in your heart to suppress the burning desire to strangle, spay or neuter them and instead, turn to them and give one a hug - you'll be glad you did!


Why Stupid People Exist:

1. Stupid people are entertaining to watch and delightful to listen to.

2. Stupid people serve as a warning to smarter people looking to go dumb.

3. Stupid people make those of average intelligence look some what brighter than a dim bulb

4. Stupid people make good pets.

5. Stupid people are the reason 300,000 people nationwide have jobs (to stamp out stupid! DUH!)

6. Stupid people vote into office other stupid people offering change and hope, thereby creating another 300,000 jobs nationwide to clean up their mess (The bureaucratic paperwork alone, will require a good 300,000 more office employees to handle it). Sorry, I HAD to go there! LOL!

7. This being said, Stupid people could be the answer to the recession.

8. Stupid people give stupider people a sense of superiority and complacency.

9. Stupid people will go where no man has gone before and live to tell about it. Where as a smart person would know better than to go there, loose confidence from being in a knowingly dumb situation, and do something stupid to get out of said situation, thereby causing their demise.

10. Stupid people have all the luck.

Be that as it may, I would like to contribute my two cents to the sterilization of Stupid People as a few Stupid People go a long way, or at least to revoking their drivers licences! LOL!

(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

ON A SIDE NOTE: 
There is no such thing as a stupid question. It's the idiot asking the question that's the problem. (RayleneDeschenes 2009)

WOMEN RULE THE WORLD!

There was an email that was being sent to women on Facebook recently that read:

 "Some fun is going on.... just write the color of your bra in your status, nothing else.

Send this on to ONLY girls no men .... It will be neat to see if this will Spread the Wings of Cancer Awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before the men will wonder why all the girls have a colour in their status... Haha!"

Well, men found out.  Go figure.

After receiving numerous emails about the short period of time it took men to find out what the one word posts were about, who might have tipped them off (the wife), and why said person would do such a thing (the whole husband/wife camradery issue), I felt the need to respond:


LISTEN UP LADIES!

You all know, we rule the world in every way, shape and form. We let men think they do because it's good for testosterone levels and good testosterone levels mean nice, hunky, meaty guys that make us swoon. Swooning is a good thing! Look what it did for Scarlet O'hara in Gone With The Wind. Testosterone gives them the ability to hunt down dinner, and although we can hunt our own dinner AND fry it up in a pan, it's hard on our nails and we all know how much a good manicure costs these days!

Thanks to us, men are getting smarter. They are on to us. They are using their heads (the one on their neck) in more productive ways, getting intouch with their emotions, and have filled the internet with 'how to' sites on manipulating women into thinking we need them.

Why is this happening?  Because, now that we have the ability to harvest sperm, we don't need them anymore.  There is nothing a man can do that we can't do for ourselves.  Their whole reason for being is now gone.  They know their survival as a species will depend on them ruling the world, and they are going to great measures to make that happen.

Think about it.  There are more 'cougars' (the Jackass of all terms) out there than ever before.  Why do you think that is?   The next generation of men are a little brighter than the last generation.   They watched their mothers and absorbed what was going on around them.  They know that we rule the word and have hooked on to "Old School" women to learn everything they can from her before she kicks the bucket,  so that they will be one step closer to ruling the word themselves.

We need to buck-up, Ladies!  We need to protect our sisterly secerets of World Domination!

This was a test, Ladies, from the powers that be, to see if we are strong enough to keep our grip on this world, and we failed miserably!

If one of us will betray the sisterhood on an issue of bra color and it's meaning, it's just a matter of time before someone will give up the secrets of womb dwelling and child birth!  With that information in their hands, men will take over the world, ladies, and there will be nothing we will be able to do about it!

DO YOU REALY WANT THAT?
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)



DISCLAIMER:
This reply is not meant to offend anyone. It is for entertainment only. I have been deleted for less, hence the reason for the disclaimer. LOL!

Why Are Some People So Full Of It, And Why Do They Feel The Need To Share It With Others?

This is my first Deep Thought for the New Year.  I originally posted this on Facebook, Wednesday, the 7th of January, 2010.  For whatever reason, I felt the need to post this to my blog:


I am wondering why people are so full of it!  If they ate a little healthier and include a bran muffin in their diet, they wouldn't be full of so much of it, and I wouldn't be wading in it up to my eyebrows! With a little fiber, it wouldn't be spewing forth from their mouth for lack of available space in the proper body cavity.   Thus saving them from having to insert their head up there ass to shut themselves up.
I'm just saying............

What this is, is more of a "WAKE UP, RAYLENE" than anything else. I take people at face value. I trust them and am willing to give them the benefit of doubt. We all have our moments and we all make mistakes. I'm not gullible - far from it, I just feel people should be given a chance.


I think we are all too old to be playing games. From this point on, we should have found out who we are, have come to terms with who we are, and accept people for who they are and what a great asset their differences are to us in our life. It's time to have learned from past mistakes and move on. If something didn't work once, it's not ever going to - no matter how hard you try, no matter what it is. Nothing in life is easy, but how many times are you going to bang your head against the wall, because that's what you have always done and you are afraid to try something new.

We've been out of high school for a long time (Most of us), and I, for one, have no intention of going back (Hell, I never went when I was IN high school!  LOL!). We have earned the right to be adults, so let's quit the pubescent games, and start being honest with ourselves and others. There is nothing I'M going to regret when I go, how about you?


DISCLAIMER: This is not directed to anyone in particular. If you think it is a direct message to you, then it probably is and you should read it, reread it, then commit it to memmory.  ANY USE OF THE WORD "YOU" IS MEANT AS, "YOU, PER SAY" AND NOT ANYONE OF YOU INDIVIDUALLY!

PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME ANY INSPIRING MESSAGE ON BEING ALONE, OR LETTING PEOPLE IN OR 'GOD WILL PROVIDE' as that is not why I felt the need to post this, and am working on my own issues as we speak. I just really, really detest lying, in any shape or form, and an extreem lack of balls on people I had given credit to actually having some! I also hate being disappointed!
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)