My Top Facebook Words!

I found an app that calculated the words I use most on my Facebook posts, found it rather interesting and thought you would too! 

LOL is my Top Word.  Why am I not suprised?   Wine is number 4, but Hate is number 5.   Hate is a powerful word and not at all in keeping with my happy-ass attitude I'm trying to maintain for my own mental sanity.  The word Crazy didn't even make the list and I use crazy alot, or maybe I'm just reading the word crazy in comments to my posts.  I'm old and confuse easly!  LOL!  I used Mom 12 times.  I have to stop talking about my mom, but she's a trip and very funny in her own right.  Our car trips are a sitcom waiting to happen!  So here they are in all their glory.    What are your Top Words?


1):lol - used 38 times

2):really - used 19 times

3):good - used 19 times

4):wine - used 18 times

5):hate - used 16 times

6):think - used 16 times

7):why - used 14 times

8):mom - used 12 times

9):computer - used 12 times

10):christmas - used 12 times
 
NOTE TO SELF:  Time to reread the Thesaurus - it's been a while, apparently!

The Twelve Days of Christmas by Moi!

Revised 26Dec09 because the after reading it for the upteenth time it bored me.  I like my shorter version so much better and you will too!


On the twelveth day or Christmas
my true love gave to me
twelve neon colored condoms
and one really big bra!

Eleven pairs of fishnets
Ten gossamer nighties
Nine satin G-Strings
Eight naughty negligees
Seven come hither corsettes
Six frilly garter belts
Five barely there thongs!

Four silky camisoles
Three lace teddies
Two pairs of Panties
One really big bra!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

Love Lost

I wrote these next three poems, Here In Me, Alone At Last, and Love Lost quite a few years ago, but I really like them and thought you might too.  I think we can all relate.  Please enjoy!


Here In Me

Here in me
with eyes I see
the war of life
fought with strife
I wish to God
that I could see
a world of  love
I could be free.
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)


Alone At Last

In my room
alone at last
seeing pictures
of the past
Remembering the good
forgetting the bad
all in all
it makes me sad
Losing the love
I sought to gain
having only me
to blame.
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)


Love Lost

Love lost
that's what they say
Love lost
it's the price you pay

Broken promises
a part of me
Broken promises
they all can see

Shattered dreams
the pieces gone
Shattered dreams
and life goes on

Tears fall
I cry for you
Tears fall
I know we're through

Hurt heals
I'll say goodbye
Hurt heals
We lived a lie

Broken promises
your pictures burned
Broken promises
a lesson learned
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

25 Things Everyone Would Want To Know About Me, But Didn't Know They Wanted To Know Until They Knew It!

This was a request from a friend on facebook who had written 25 things about herself and shared with me.  I liked the idea, but didn't think I would ever be able to come up with 25 things about me. Well, once I got started, I couldn't stop.  That's a lie.  I could stop, but all day other things kept popping into my mind - We all know how scary that can be!  LOL!  So, here you are - 25 Things about me!

1. I talk to myself because sometimes that is the only way I am able to have any kind of an intelligent conversation with anyone here for the day.


2. I was afraid of kids until I had my own. I'm still not a big fan, but if they are polite and somewhat intelligent, I can hang.

3. All most everything I own was in storage. Last December, I gave up my storage, not because I couldn't pay for it, I could, but because I came to the realization it was just stuff. If I dropped dead tomorrow, who's going to care about any of it? It's just junk to everyone else. Except for my art, but I can draw and paint more. Memories are inside your head and your heart. They have nothing to do with things.

4. I have a safe with valuables in it and I can't remember the combination to open it. Silly me! So, until I get the money for a locksmith, those things are safe even from me!

5. I have lived most of my adult life in the fast lane - just like the song says. I have met some rather colorful people and have had some rather unique experiences that I wouldn't really recommend to anyone. I took an exit a few years ago, because my children were getting older and it was time for me to grow up. I don't regret nor do I apologize to anyone (my children included) for the decisions I have made. They made me who I am today and I really like who I am today. If I had it to do all over again, I would in a heartbeat!

6. OMG, I have to come up with 20 more things about me?

7. I taught Art and Crafts to Girl Scout Leaders for a few years. I never knew it took a talent to do crafts until I had to teach adults to glue a couple of Popsicles sticks together and quite a few couldn't do it. We're talking crafts I taught 5 and 6 year olds earlier that summer. Who knew?

8. I'm 5' tall. 5'4" to 5'6" when wearing heals. I LOVE stilettos! Had a lovely collection - till I got rid of my storage! LOL!

9. I don't eat meat except for an occasional Hebrew National Hot dog or a BLT made with this microwave bacon my mom buys. I haven't ate meat (including fowl) since I was 10years old. I saw a documentary on slaughter houses and that was it for me.

10. I really, really suck at sports, except for swimming. I could swim my ass off! LOL!

11. I was thrown off the company softball team because they found out my friend and I had dumped the contents of our Big Gulps and refilled them with wine. I thought we played the bench position we were given when we had a little wine under our belts, but the coach was not in agreement. Silly coach!

12. My grandmother died after years of Alzheimer's. Every time someone even mentions Alzheimer's I burst out in tears. This made watching Grey's Anatomy very hard until they killed off Meridith's mother. The tears would flow so hard, I couldn't see Dr. McDreamy, which made watching the show pointless!

13. I held a record for truancy at Rancho High School for years. If it wasn't for 8 years of Catholic School, I never would have graduated high school. Even then our public school system sucked!

14. I went to Charm School. Charm School Basic, Mid and Advanced. I know which fork to use in any situation.

15. When I went to New York, my brother and I hit some of the hot clubs there at the time. When there was a line to get in I would go up to the bouncer an start a little small talk. Not only did we not once have to wait in line to get in to these places, but in quite a few, we got a great table and were even comped. I was just really good like that! LOL!

16. Before I had kids, I ALWAYS set a formal table for dinner. Used to drive my then boyfriend up the wall and scare the people I may have invited to dinner. LOL!

17. There is a series of 7 books that someone (Forget who - this was a long time ago) wrote about revenge. I read every one. I thought this was good to know if Karma takes too long. LOL!

18. I love to talk to people. Anywhere, any time, any place. No matter where I go, I end up with a new 'friend'. My family has issues with this.

19. I used to go to Wal-Mart on Nellis and Bonanza at 2am just to talk to the two senior citizen guys in the sporting goods section. They had great stories to tell. I would be there for hours sometimes, just listening to their stories. When we moved up here, I lost touch with them. I really miss them.

20. I was 13 when I got my first job. I cleaned the insurance office next to my dad's barber shop on Saturdays. I made $5.00 an hour which was quite a lot considering the minimum wage then was $1.35 an hour. The man who owned the office gave me $20.00 a week for doing that, even if it only took an hour on some days! He said I did a great job, so consider the rest a tip. I did this till I was 16 then passed to job to my sister.

21. When one of the grade school teachers gave my son a list of spelling words and told him to use them in a sentence. He and I came up with one sentence in which we were able to use all 20 words. This is something I ALWAYS wanted to do, but in Catholic School you didn't dare! The teacher called me that night (my kids teachers were ALWAYS calling me. LOL!) and said she gave Frankie and I an A+ for that, but in the future she would like one sentence for each word. LOL!

22. I absolutely can not deal with being bored. I go absolutely nuts, literally. I have a paper and pencil with me at all times just in case. I have been late for appointments because I'd have to come back home to get them. If I get bored I draw. Some of my best work has been created on the 3 hr bus drive from Henderson to where I live

23. When I was 13yrs old I created these little dolls that a Hallmark franchise in Montana was interested in selling in their stores and really wanted to place an order for them. After some consideration I turned them down. Stupid, stupid me!

24. I was a bartender once. I gave it up to cocktail tables at that same establishment. I told them I could make more money cocktailing than being behind the bar. They gave me the slowest shift in the bar. Everyone thought I was nuts. I proved them all wrong. I made more money then, working part time, than I ever did before or since - And I have had some very good paying jobs!

25. I did it! 25 things about me that I don't know why anyone would want to know, but here it is! Have at it and enjoy and don't forget to send me 25 things about you that you don't know why I would want to know, but have decided to share with me anyway! LOL! Love you all!  (©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

The Hiring Game

My resume sucks, I need to rewrite it. Ughhhh! What are the "action words" today? Is it to long? Is it to short? Does it sound positive? Does it convey who I am? Does it.......Ughhhh! What the hell is wrong with straight forward "This is who I am, this is what I've done and this is why you need to have me working... for you"? I hate games! Job hunting is nothing but a game anymore - you play well, you get hired.


I used to play the game very well. I don't ever remember applying for a job, interviewing and not getting it. I don't play well anymore because I think it's a crock of shit that it has become as ridiculous as it has.

Gone are the days, when ethics, morals and professionalism and loyalty count for more than a hill of beans.

I love it when I'm asked "give me an example of when you did such and such and if that has never happened to you what would you do if it did?" I was really good at coming up with what they wanted to hear. Of course, who's to say if it's what I would do in a given situation, it doesn't really matter, because they don't care what you did or would do - they want you to give them the answer they want to hear or you're out of there faster than you got in!

Life's to short to play silly mindless games, people! Put some ethics back into the hiring process and just maybe you'll start attracting a better, more ethical, not to mention loyal and professional employee!

I'm really over the f-ing games I have to play with newly graduated collage students who have their heads up their asses! No wonder you need cameras every thirty feet to keep tabs on your employees! You have idiots hiring idiots!

Thank you for your attention in this matter, I may not ever get hired now because of this, but I feel a whole lot better! I'm posting this on my blog and letting the chips fall where they may! Because I just have to be me!   (©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

The Meaning of Life by Moi!

He is a turd
She is a turd
We're all turds
on the windshield of life!

You are a turd
But not just any turd
your an ishy squishy turd
on the windshield of life!

We're not talking bug goop
We're not talking pigion poop
We're talking very special (insert name) poop
on the windshield of life!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

I wrote this for my kids, way back when.  Each one of them sang it for show and tell at school.  And that was just the begining of the calls from their teachers I would be getting throughout their school career!  LOL!

All I'm Asking, Lord... by Moi!

All I'm Asking, Lord..... could be both a poem and a song! 
That's right!   I wrote this originally to be sung to Janice Joplin's "Lord, Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes Benz!" 
(I'm clever like that!  LOL!))

Lord won't you buy me
a new pair of blue jeans

these jeans are old jeans
I'm bursting my inseams

And Lord,
if you'd be so kind
to throw in a bra

to help minimize
my one figure flaw!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My Grandma Deschenes

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH: One of the first mastectomies ever performed at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, NY, was performed on my Grandmother, Dianne Deschenes. She died a few years later.  I'm very proud and in awe of the strengh and courage (that I can't even imagine) she had to have had to allow them to remove both of her breasts - a procedure virtually unheard of and terribly, terribly risky back then. Thank you to her and every other women (and their families) who have gone through this ordeal since. Beacuse of you great strides have been made in the fight against breast cancer that otherwise may have been lost to us . You are all awesome women! And Grandma Deschenes, I am so very proud of you! All our love..........

One Of My MOST Favorite Quotes by Moi! (Me!)

"it is the frustration of failure that drives the will to succeed, producing a feeling of joy and confidence that allows us the strength and determination to move on to the next challenge at hand.  In a nutshell - mankind would still be hanging by our tails in the trees if we didn't have to go out and find our own bananas!"  (©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

City Rain (by Moi! Inspired by my dear friend Max)

Cool wet rain on the streets below
filling, thrashing, tread splashing
pedestrians dashing
couples clashing
Wall Street crashing
concert goers mashing
ho's flashing
pimps cashing
homeless trashing
I feel the cool blue of my diamond ring
all my other bling
I know it ain't over till the fat lady sings!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My friend Max inspired this rap when he posted on his Facebook (12Jun09):
"Cool wet rain on the street below, filling, thrashing, tread splashing....." 
I think this would make a great Rap!  LOL!
I Love you and I miss you, Max!

Ode to Lorena Bobbit

Lorena Bobbit had a knife
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!

Her husband pushed too far one night
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!

She smiled with glee
chop, chop, chop
How will he pee?
chop, chop, chop

All you big guys
think you're neat
don't forget
Revenge is Sweet!
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My Resume And The Upteenth Update

I have spend the last week updating my resume and am still not happy with the results.  How do you acount for the 'year from hell' you have been unemployed?  You have to make it sound interesting, upbeat, and excusable.  Quite a feat, and one I am attacking with relish (a little mustard and onion on a sesame seed bun!  LOL!).

Resumes.  Ahggggggggggg! 

I have been working since I was 13yrs old.  When I found out I was pregnant I quit and spent the next 15 years raising my family.  For quite awhile, the one liner  "raising my family" was sufficient, untill that fateful day a few years ago, when a company hired me and then told me I had to account in detail for those 15 years to complete the hiring process. 

What?

A little peturbed, I went with my sarcastic self and accounted for those fifteen years as follows:

Chief Everything Officer


Deschenes Family
Las Vegas, Nevada
06/1989 - present

*Household and Schedule Organization, Financial Planning and Creative Bookkeeping
(including Extensive Accounts Payable and Accounts Receivable experience)

*Excels at multi tasking

*Unbelievably adept at Conflict Resolution, Self-confidence Restoration and Ego Boosting

* Basic First Aid & Life Saving Techniques as required

*Remains extremely calm during Catastrophes and Catastrophic Events

*Extensive Childcare and Teen Maintenance experience

*Excellently managed a household of three children (infancy thru puberty) and one adult male.

*Absolutely Excellent People Skills
(with people of all ages, backgrounds and varying brain functions)
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

This is damn good if I do say so myself.

Now I have to do it again and I don't think "pleasee see below, minus the one adult male, but insert one cranky senior citizen who's life I have saved numerous times (seriously)"  will do it.  I did contemplate just a "Ditto, minus one adult male, insert one cranky senior citizen who's life I have saved numerous times (seriously)", but felt that showed a lack of seriousness and my rather frivouless attitude tward the application process as a whole.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I probably should not post this untill after I manage to secure a job, but WHAT THE HELL!  Being me, I'm going to post it anyway and hope for the best.  

All I can offer any company is Me.  And that is a lot to offer.  I'm an honest and above-board person who gives any company I'm with 100 percent.  All that I ask is the same in return.  Don't ask me for my thoughts and ideas if you don't want to hear them - I don't like being appeased and I don't like playing games and in return I will afford you the same courtesy.

I fully believe customer service is just that - service!  Every single job is a customer service job if you think about it.   If you think customer service is saying the customers name 3 times and giving them 3.5 minutes of your employees time, then don't hire me.  I'm not for you.  If you believe every customer and every employee really is important and deserves the utmost respect then I'm who you want.  I will amaze and flabergast you and we will be happy campers together for a long time to come!  
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

Ode to Grant

He's got his head up his butt
and he don't know what to do!
It's up so far it's stuck
and he's starting to turn blue!

Call 911, PLEASE HURRY!
the situation's grave!
If you don't get here soon
there'll be NOTHING left to save!

For he feels the need to fart
and it's really rather scary,
he knows that if he farts
he'll blow his head apart!

So 911, please hurry!
Help him if you can!
It's hard to be a big guy
when you're a headless little man!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

96 Tears and 96 Eyes

(inspired by my dear friend Max)

96 tears and 96 eyes
96 hankies from 96 guys
96 ways to say "it's not you"
96 hearts broken and blue
96 different directions to take
all leading to 96 men on the make
96 smiles and maybe a wink
have you blushing in 96 shades of bright pink!
96 nightcaps then "you're place or mine?"
96 reasons his place will be fine
of the 96 voices that shout out "don't go!"
it's your mother's you hear as she shouts "you old ho!"
96 windows watch the rise of the sun
while everyone wonders "what have I done?"
96 couples hurry to dress
this is what I call Booty Call Stress!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

The Light

I saw a light..........

And in the light stood one very tall, good looking guy with great hair and close shaven beard. As we stood there in the deafening silence, I thought "Hmmmm. He's going to hit on me! He IS really cute, and tall, and dark, and handsome! And who isn't turned on by a strong, demanding presence........" when My train of thought was rudely interupted by a small little voice in my head saying "I wouldn't go there if I were you, girl!"

We stood there, He and I, when (after what seemed like an eternity), He said "Let me get right to the point. Raylene, I have given you teenagers becouse you had WAY TOO GOOD of a time back in the day, and now you must pay! Your footloose, fancyfree, indecisive livestyle, though a joy to behold, must now be delt with! So, you will be given teenagers...........Now don't cry! Why do they all cry at the mention of teenagers? I really hate this part......."!

Accepting this fate worse than death, I turned to go, but was stopped in my tracks when his voice boomed, "STOP! There's more!" More? I had THAT good of a time that there is more? Where in the hell was I when I was having that good of a time? Oh! I remember! I had SUCH a good time, some of it tends to be a little foggy - but, now that I think about it, I remember thinking "NOBODY should be having this much fun!" So, ok. I did have a very good time for a very long time. But, being Royalty and all, it is perfectly acceptable to have all time be a good time.............isn't it?

He continued, "Because, you have teenagers you will go straight to Heaven when the time comes, as teenagers are a Hell unto themselves! How much of a hell they will be, is up to them and their friends!". He went on, "You have earned three teenagers, two boys............. and a..............a girl." A GIRL? That's when everything went black.

When I came to, He was standing over me. He had aged 20years in that small moment in time and I thought "Yea, me!" Then everything He had said came flooding back and I gasped "GASP!"

He stood there for a moment, looking into my horrified eyes and said, "You know, Raylene.........I like you. I also know, even with the fate I have put before you, if given the chance you would do it all over again in a heartbeat! You just can't help yourself. It is in your blood, and that's My bad!" At this point I smiled and thanked Him for my 'happy ass' self, as he was right and I would have it no other way! He smiled at me and said "Just a 'heads up', Raylene. It doesn't matter what you taught them up to now, they become brain dead when entering Teendom and stay that way, in some cases, well into their twentys!"

Their twentys? I'm going to have twenty something teens? "EGADS!" I screamed so loud, I thought it was somebody else. But it was just the two of us standing there in the light. Alone. Suspended in time. It was He who broke the silence "So, go now, and reap the rewards of a miss-spent youth, adulthood and seniorhood. And know that I love you!" At that point, I took one last, good breath and decended into a darkness of unimaginable doom, fighting wih all my might to reach the surface for yet another gasp of air before they pull me back down into the underbelly of the beast. And as I settle into the bowels of despair, I beg you to learn from my mistakes............... before you, too............are given.............. 'shudder'..................Teenagers as penance!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)