So, mom and I were having a celebratory Martini and discussing whether shellfish can or cannot be devoured when pregnant and came to the conclusion that there could or could not be enough mercury in it to either make the answer a yeh, or a neh. Either way, the chances of either one of us getting pregnant are pretty slim - even if mom is still sneaking men in through her bedroom window when I'm not looking and having her way with them, which she assures me she's not...Hey, never underestimate the sexual prowess of an 83 year old!
Mom: "I tell the kids you're always feeding me tuna fish".
Me: "I don't always feed you tuna fish. I only give you tuna when you ask for it and that's not that often. Thank God. That stuff is disgusting."
Me: "And that's just great, mom. When they do the autopsy and find one minute nano-gram more mercury in your system than you're supposed to have, the kids will tell the police I fed you tuna nonstop trying to poison you with mercury and I'll go to the "big house" and die in an orange jumpsuit - killed by someone named "Babs"......You know how I feel about orange."
Mom: "Orange isn't that bad...I wear it. And that's the point."
Me: "What's the point?"
Mom: "The way I see it when I die you'll have nowhere to go and the kids won't take care of you. This way you'll have a roof over your head and food to eat. Stay away from "Babs" and you'll be fine. The orange jumpsuits will grow on you and they even bury you!"
Mom: "Now you have a retirement plan. We can toast to that next..."
Me: "I don't always feed you tuna fish. I only give you tuna when you ask for it and that's not that often. Thank God. That stuff is disgusting."
Me: "And that's just great, mom. When they do the autopsy and find one minute nano-gram more mercury in your system than you're supposed to have, the kids will tell the police I fed you tuna nonstop trying to poison you with mercury and I'll go to the "big house" and die in an orange jumpsuit - killed by someone named "Babs"......You know how I feel about orange."
Mom: "Orange isn't that bad...I wear it. And that's the point."
Me: "What's the point?"
Mom: "The way I see it when I die you'll have nowhere to go and the kids won't take care of you. This way you'll have a roof over your head and food to eat. Stay away from "Babs" and you'll be fine. The orange jumpsuits will grow on you and they even bury you!"
Mom: "Now you have a retirement plan. We can toast to that next..."
