SCHOOL ZONES

There are two school zones within a few blocks of each other on a street I drive almost every day. They are both elementary schools - one Christian school with a 25 mph speed limit and the other is a private school with a 15 mph speed limit.

My son:  "Mom, you're going too slow. Speed up or you'll get a ticket."
Me:  "This is a school zone and I'm going the required speed limit"
Son:  "No, you're going too slow. You where going faster in the last school zone."
Me:   "That was a Christian elementary school and the limit was 25 mph. This is a Private school and and the speed limit is 15 mph."
Son:  "Why would they do that? Give them different speed limits if they're both elementary schools?"
Me (not being privy to how they set school zones):  "The private school kids aren't as fast as the christian school kids so they have a slower speed limit.
Then me (because I just couldn't resist - and I tried,  God help me, I tried!)  "The Catholic schools don't have a speed limit at all because those kids are really fast.   Those kids are super heroes."

My son just stared at me for what seemed like the longest time, then said:  "Don't talk to me.  Don't talk to me, mom, for the rest of the ride." He then put earphones in, cranked up the tunes he had stored on his phone and that was it until we got to our destination.

Well, I thought it was as good an excuse as any and I only have a couple of years left before their brains are fully developed and I won't be able to mess with their heads anymore. This is my one joy in life - right up there with wine and The Sims 2!
(©2015 RayleneDeschenes)

The Light

I saw a light..........

And in the light stood one very tall, good looking guy with great hair and close shaven beard. As we stood there in the deafening silence, I thought "Hmmmm. He's going to hit on me! He IS really cute, and tall, and dark, and handsome! And who isn't turned on by a strong, demanding presence........" when My train of thought was rudely interupted by a small little voice in my head saying "I wouldn't go there if I were you, girl!"

We stood there, He and I, when (after what seemed like an eternity), He said "Let me get right to the point. Raylene, I have given you teenagers becouse you had WAY TOO GOOD of a time back in the day, and now you must pay! Your footloose, fancyfree, indecisive livestyle, though a joy to behold, must now be delt with! So, you will be given teenagers...........Now don't cry! Why do they all cry at the mention of teenagers? I really hate this part......."!

Accepting this fate worse than death, I turned to go, but was stopped in my tracks when his voice boomed, "STOP! There's more!" More? I had THAT good of a time that there is more? Where in the hell was I when I was having that good of a time? Oh! I remember! I had SUCH a good time, some of it tends to be a little foggy - but, now that I think about it, I remember thinking "NOBODY should be having this much fun!" So, ok. I did have a very good time for a very long time. But, being Royalty and all, it is perfectly acceptable to have all time be a good time.............isn't it?

He continued, "Because, you have teenagers you will go straight to Heaven when the time comes, as teenagers are a Hell unto themselves! How much of a hell they will be, is up to them and their friends!". He went on, "You have earned three teenagers, two boys............. and a..............a girl." A GIRL? That's when everything went black.

When I came to, He was standing over me. He had aged 20years in that small moment in time and I thought "Yea, me!" Then everything He had said came flooding back and I gasped "GASP!"

He stood there for a moment, looking into my horrified eyes and said, "You know, Raylene.........I like you. I also know, even with the fate I have put before you, if given the chance you would do it all over again in a heartbeat! You just can't help yourself. It is in your blood, and that's My bad!" At this point I smiled and thanked Him for my 'happy ass' self, as he was right and I would have it no other way! He smiled at me and said "Just a 'heads up', Raylene. It doesn't matter what you taught them up to now, they become brain dead when entering Teendom and stay that way, in some cases, well into their twentys!"

Their twentys? I'm going to have twenty something teens? "EGADS!" I screamed so loud, I thought it was somebody else. But it was just the two of us standing there in the light. Alone. Suspended in time. It was He who broke the silence "So, go now, and reap the rewards of a miss-spent youth, adulthood and seniorhood. And know that I love you!" At that point, I took one last, good breath and decended into a darkness of unimaginable doom, fighting wih all my might to reach the surface for yet another gasp of air before they pull me back down into the underbelly of the beast. And as I settle into the bowels of despair, I beg you to learn from my mistakes............... before you, too............are given.............. 'shudder'..................Teenagers as penance!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)