My Resume And The Upteenth Update

I have spend the last week updating my resume and am still not happy with the results.  How do you acount for the 'year from hell' you have been unemployed?  You have to make it sound interesting, upbeat, and excusable.  Quite a feat, and one I am attacking with relish (a little mustard and onion on a sesame seed bun!  LOL!).

Resumes.  Ahggggggggggg! 

I have been working since I was 13yrs old.  When I found out I was pregnant I quit and spent the next 15 years raising my family.  For quite awhile, the one liner  "raising my family" was sufficient, untill that fateful day a few years ago, when a company hired me and then told me I had to account in detail for those 15 years to complete the hiring process. 

What?

A little peturbed, I went with my sarcastic self and accounted for those fifteen years as follows:

Chief Everything Officer


Deschenes Family
Las Vegas, Nevada
06/1989 - present

*Household and Schedule Organization, Financial Planning and Creative Bookkeeping
(including Extensive Accounts Payable and Accounts Receivable experience)

*Excels at multi tasking

*Unbelievably adept at Conflict Resolution, Self-confidence Restoration and Ego Boosting

* Basic First Aid & Life Saving Techniques as required

*Remains extremely calm during Catastrophes and Catastrophic Events

*Extensive Childcare and Teen Maintenance experience

*Excellently managed a household of three children (infancy thru puberty) and one adult male.

*Absolutely Excellent People Skills
(with people of all ages, backgrounds and varying brain functions)
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

This is damn good if I do say so myself.

Now I have to do it again and I don't think "pleasee see below, minus the one adult male, but insert one cranky senior citizen who's life I have saved numerous times (seriously)"  will do it.  I did contemplate just a "Ditto, minus one adult male, insert one cranky senior citizen who's life I have saved numerous times (seriously)", but felt that showed a lack of seriousness and my rather frivouless attitude tward the application process as a whole.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I probably should not post this untill after I manage to secure a job, but WHAT THE HELL!  Being me, I'm going to post it anyway and hope for the best.  

All I can offer any company is Me.  And that is a lot to offer.  I'm an honest and above-board person who gives any company I'm with 100 percent.  All that I ask is the same in return.  Don't ask me for my thoughts and ideas if you don't want to hear them - I don't like being appeased and I don't like playing games and in return I will afford you the same courtesy.

I fully believe customer service is just that - service!  Every single job is a customer service job if you think about it.   If you think customer service is saying the customers name 3 times and giving them 3.5 minutes of your employees time, then don't hire me.  I'm not for you.  If you believe every customer and every employee really is important and deserves the utmost respect then I'm who you want.  I will amaze and flabergast you and we will be happy campers together for a long time to come!  
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)