I Want A Relationship (Maybe) And This Is Who I'm Looking For

I just finished reading an article a friend on Facebook posted about unexpected ways to turn on men, or this particular man anyway.  I usually don't read these articles because I usually have no problem turning them on - it's KEEPING a good one that's the problem here.  Keeping a good one and fending off the bad ones.

I am perfectly single and wanted to stay like that forever more, but lately I'm not so sure.  I'm slowly starting to think having a significant other might be kind of nice.  With this in mind, I started thinking what do I want in a man?  These are the nine things that sprung to mind right off the bat:

  1. Happy eyes are the most important thing to me and a HUGE turn on!  I absolutely LOVE eyes      with a little glimmer in them.  They look at you and you can read that they have
     something else in mind, or a little something else going on and they KNOW you are going
     to love it!  Hard to explain, but if you have those eyes you know exactly what I mean!

  2. A sense of humor is the second most important thing to me.  You have to get me, not
      be  offended by me (unless I mean for you to be ), and see me and "All That Is Moi!" as a
      talent and a gift, and something to be enjoyed and loved - not just "quirky".  Quirky is for
      my blond moments, which I have at will - most times.  If you're getting one of my
      blond moments, it's because you have asked for it, and in either a good way or bad way,
      deserve it.

  3. You have to want to be with me and think I am the greatest thing since bread.  But not fawn
     all over me and tell me how I am the greatest thing since bread.  For  if you do that I will
     walk all over you, run you over with my car, back up and run over you again.  At the same
     time, I want to feel you are fascinated with me and respect me for the Royalty I am - whether
     it be for real or in my own little head.

  4. You have to be able to deal with my randomness, my multiple personality's (It's all true
     what they say about Geminis!), and that I try to find the humor in something when
     I'm stressed - It's the only way I know how to deal with stress - finding the funny. 

  5. I want to know if you want the same things I do and I don't want to play games - you
     will loose every time because I am just that good.

  6. I don't want to feel I'm being pressured  into anything.  But at the same time, I want to
     be whisked up and off into the sunset - A LOT!

  7. I'm not going to make the first move and I'll probably not call you - at least not for a
     while, anyway - and you have to be OK with that, make the first move and call me - A LOT!

  8. I want you to take my hand,  I want you to put your arm around me, and I want you to
     give me a kiss - a small one to start out with because the thought of a relationship scares
     the living hell out of me and I might run before I even know I'm running................It's just
     how I roll!  LOL!

  9. If you have the above quality's you will be looking like Johnny Depp to me and what you
     look like to me is all that counts. 

So, if this is you - God help you, and leave me a comment.  For the rest of you - you are missing out on the best thing since bread - BUMMER, DUDES!

Either way - You gotta love me!!!
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

My Kids Are Killing Me!

Hi!
I know!  It's been a while, huh? 
My teenagers were stressing me out to the point I had soooooooooooo much to say, but
not a clue how to say it.  They're like that.  Teenagers:  YOU can't live with them and THEY can't live without you.  This is something they know, but will deny venomously!  It must have something to do with their brains not being fully developed until they're around 25 yrs old.............................

OMG!  It just hit me.  I HAVE 8 MORE YEARS OF AMUCK RUNNING HORMONES AND LIMITED BRAIN FUNCTIONING ACTIONS OF MY CHILDREN?!?    8 MORE YEARS???!!!!????

I will not last 8 more years!  They will kill me and feed me to those "Happy Assed Chirpy Birds" as an appetizer!  Please, say it isn't so! 

I know.  I'm in denial.  I like denial.  I don't know who decided "denial" was a bad place to be, it's MY favorite place to be second only to "The Kingdom Of All That Is Moi!"  (my happy place). Denial works for me!  So, go ahead - tell me it will all be peachy in the morning.  Just say, "Raylene, It-will-all-be-peachy......."  It's easy, you can do it...............I KNOW you didn't just refuse to tell me that!  Well, could you say "MAYBE it will all be peachy in the morning"?.......Or say that there's a 50/50 chance that it will be peachy in the morning? .............40/60chance? ..........30/70? ............10/90?   ............a nano bite of a chance, perhaps?

LIE TO ME, DAMN IT!  LIE TO ME!

.............................I'm doomed.........................................

(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

A Quick Thought On Imagination, Or Lack Thereof....

Without imagination we wouldn't be were we are today. Yet, imaginative people are looked at as immature, or a little odd, and the connotations that are attached to the word "artsy" are anything but complimentary. All through childhood, you are accused of daydreaming like it's a bad thing. Time and time again, fantasy and imagination is push further and further to the side until it is no more. I have learned, creativity is a gift that very few people have been given. I think it is a conspiracy amongst the populace, born of jealousy and envy, to squish that which they will never possess - the infinite world in which we (being the creative) live.
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

The Definition of Raylene

There was a chain post going around Facebook that asked you to go to Urban Dictionary.com, enter your name and post the definition given in comments under the chain post. 

I usually don't get envolved with these things because I've never considered myself one of the sheep and I think it's silly.  With that being said, I was curious.   


A few people apparently, had a not so good encounter with a Raylene and was less than steller in their review of her. I googled me and found there is a porn star who happens to be named Raylene. Doesn't that just figure?! What it did say was something I refuse to repeat and have therefore decided write what it is that they MEANT to say had they not had their head up their asses at the time. LOL! :)
Please enjoy!

Raylene: 
* Someone who wants it all and will never again settle for less.
* Multiple personalities she turns on and off in an instant. Gives new meaning to the word "Multidimensional".
* If you had to describe her in one word, you couldn't - she IS that hot!
* Sister Theresa's little sister, but the family won't confirm that.  They just say "one day she's in, and the next day.........she's out."
* She rolls smooth.
* You cant touch that!
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

The Sell

"Hello! May I speak to Mary Francis, please?"

"This is Mary Francis."

"Mary Francis at 232 N. 38th Street?"

"Yes?"

"CONGRATULATIONS, Mary Francis! This is J. Blo, at KWHY Radio, and you have won the Grand Prize in our Jackpot Drawing!"

"I WON?" "ME?  Oh my God, I won!"   "I WON!"

"Grand Prize?" "I won Grand Prize?" "What? What did I win?"

"You, Mary Francis, have won a ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTION TO THE CONDOM OF THE MONTH CLUB! Each month you will receive a case of their most popular designs, a different design each month for twelve months!"   "CONGRATULATIONS, MARY FRANCIS!"

"But....but....what am I going to do with them? I don't need condoms.."

"Mary Francis, of course you need condoms! EVERYBODY needs condoms, Mary Francis!" "Are you married, Mary Francis?"

"Well, yes I am, but..."

"Then this is PERFECT for you! I mean how many of us truly know where our husbands or wives have been every waking minute of every day, Mary Francis? Why, none of us do, Mary Francis, and that's why this prize is the prize for YOU! Now, I just need a little more..."

"But you don't understand."

"Oh, yes I do, Mary Francis! Yes, I do! You are in denial, Mary Francis! You need protection, Mary Francis, and we at KWHY Radio and the Condom Of The Month Club are here for you! You'll be glad you have these when you finally come to see him for the slime ball he is! Now, I just need a little more info, Mary Francis and you'll be able to start enjoying your prize in 7 to 10 days from today! Just think, Mary Francis, you will no longer need to worry about where he's been or with who! You will be able to 'have at it', Mary Francis, with who ever you want, when ever you want, with out having to stop and make a mad dash to the corner store because you were unprepared! A years worth of dissese free encounters are waiting for you just around the corner, Mary Francis! Now, I need your..."

"STOP! My name is SISTER Mary Francis! I am MARRIED to the CHURCH, and I won't be needing any condoms, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

"Oh, Sister! I am so sorry!" "Maybe you could give them to the Bishop. He may know a priest of questionable..."


CLICK!
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

Stupid People And Why We Need Them! (Inspired by my friend Bren, who takes no prisoners!)

I spent a good part of today traveling across town, dealing with Stupid People who weren't quite dumb enough to fail their driving test, but were dumb enough to be driving like idiots on the same street I was driving on. Not only that, but I hit an endless mirage of school zones, where the previously mentioned idiots were picking up their offspring. These kids were having trouble putting one foot in front of the other and the only reason for that, is either all the texting they were busy doing, or that they are idiots themselves. I'm going with probability that Idiots beget Idiots


Therefore, it came as no surprise, when a friend mentioned recently,that she would like to see Stupid People spayed and neutered. What a wonderful idea! When it was proposed to me, I was ready to follow her into the battle - To weed out dumb-nuts where ever they be! To strengthen our species and create a more intelligent human being to drive the streets of tomorrow into an idiot-free future for all!

As I poured a glass of wine and contemplated the ensuing battle, I realized Stupid People do serve a purpose here on earth. After my second glass of wine, I came up with a list of ten reasons Stupid People exist have decided to share those reason with you. I hope, the next time you have to interact with an idiot, you will think of this list and find it in your heart to suppress the burning desire to strangle, spay or neuter them and instead, turn to them and give one a hug - you'll be glad you did!


Why Stupid People Exist:

1. Stupid people are entertaining to watch and delightful to listen to.

2. Stupid people serve as a warning to smarter people looking to go dumb.

3. Stupid people make those of average intelligence look some what brighter than a dim bulb

4. Stupid people make good pets.

5. Stupid people are the reason 300,000 people nationwide have jobs (to stamp out stupid! DUH!)

6. Stupid people vote into office other stupid people offering change and hope, thereby creating another 300,000 jobs nationwide to clean up their mess (The bureaucratic paperwork alone, will require a good 300,000 more office employees to handle it). Sorry, I HAD to go there! LOL!

7. This being said, Stupid people could be the answer to the recession.

8. Stupid people give stupider people a sense of superiority and complacency.

9. Stupid people will go where no man has gone before and live to tell about it. Where as a smart person would know better than to go there, loose confidence from being in a knowingly dumb situation, and do something stupid to get out of said situation, thereby causing their demise.

10. Stupid people have all the luck.

Be that as it may, I would like to contribute my two cents to the sterilization of Stupid People as a few Stupid People go a long way, or at least to revoking their drivers licences! LOL!

(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

ON A SIDE NOTE: 
There is no such thing as a stupid question. It's the idiot asking the question that's the problem. (RayleneDeschenes 2009)

WOMEN RULE THE WORLD!

There was an email that was being sent to women on Facebook recently that read:

 "Some fun is going on.... just write the color of your bra in your status, nothing else.

Send this on to ONLY girls no men .... It will be neat to see if this will Spread the Wings of Cancer Awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before the men will wonder why all the girls have a colour in their status... Haha!"

Well, men found out.  Go figure.

After receiving numerous emails about the short period of time it took men to find out what the one word posts were about, who might have tipped them off (the wife), and why said person would do such a thing (the whole husband/wife camradery issue), I felt the need to respond:


LISTEN UP LADIES!

You all know, we rule the world in every way, shape and form. We let men think they do because it's good for testosterone levels and good testosterone levels mean nice, hunky, meaty guys that make us swoon. Swooning is a good thing! Look what it did for Scarlet O'hara in Gone With The Wind. Testosterone gives them the ability to hunt down dinner, and although we can hunt our own dinner AND fry it up in a pan, it's hard on our nails and we all know how much a good manicure costs these days!

Thanks to us, men are getting smarter. They are on to us. They are using their heads (the one on their neck) in more productive ways, getting intouch with their emotions, and have filled the internet with 'how to' sites on manipulating women into thinking we need them.

Why is this happening?  Because, now that we have the ability to harvest sperm, we don't need them anymore.  There is nothing a man can do that we can't do for ourselves.  Their whole reason for being is now gone.  They know their survival as a species will depend on them ruling the world, and they are going to great measures to make that happen.

Think about it.  There are more 'cougars' (the Jackass of all terms) out there than ever before.  Why do you think that is?   The next generation of men are a little brighter than the last generation.   They watched their mothers and absorbed what was going on around them.  They know that we rule the word and have hooked on to "Old School" women to learn everything they can from her before she kicks the bucket,  so that they will be one step closer to ruling the word themselves.

We need to buck-up, Ladies!  We need to protect our sisterly secerets of World Domination!

This was a test, Ladies, from the powers that be, to see if we are strong enough to keep our grip on this world, and we failed miserably!

If one of us will betray the sisterhood on an issue of bra color and it's meaning, it's just a matter of time before someone will give up the secrets of womb dwelling and child birth!  With that information in their hands, men will take over the world, ladies, and there will be nothing we will be able to do about it!

DO YOU REALY WANT THAT?
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)



DISCLAIMER:
This reply is not meant to offend anyone. It is for entertainment only. I have been deleted for less, hence the reason for the disclaimer. LOL!

Why Are Some People So Full Of It, And Why Do They Feel The Need To Share It With Others?

This is my first Deep Thought for the New Year.  I originally posted this on Facebook, Wednesday, the 7th of January, 2010.  For whatever reason, I felt the need to post this to my blog:


I am wondering why people are so full of it!  If they ate a little healthier and include a bran muffin in their diet, they wouldn't be full of so much of it, and I wouldn't be wading in it up to my eyebrows! With a little fiber, it wouldn't be spewing forth from their mouth for lack of available space in the proper body cavity.   Thus saving them from having to insert their head up there ass to shut themselves up.
I'm just saying............

What this is, is more of a "WAKE UP, RAYLENE" than anything else. I take people at face value. I trust them and am willing to give them the benefit of doubt. We all have our moments and we all make mistakes. I'm not gullible - far from it, I just feel people should be given a chance.


I think we are all too old to be playing games. From this point on, we should have found out who we are, have come to terms with who we are, and accept people for who they are and what a great asset their differences are to us in our life. It's time to have learned from past mistakes and move on. If something didn't work once, it's not ever going to - no matter how hard you try, no matter what it is. Nothing in life is easy, but how many times are you going to bang your head against the wall, because that's what you have always done and you are afraid to try something new.

We've been out of high school for a long time (Most of us), and I, for one, have no intention of going back (Hell, I never went when I was IN high school!  LOL!). We have earned the right to be adults, so let's quit the pubescent games, and start being honest with ourselves and others. There is nothing I'M going to regret when I go, how about you?


DISCLAIMER: This is not directed to anyone in particular. If you think it is a direct message to you, then it probably is and you should read it, reread it, then commit it to memmory.  ANY USE OF THE WORD "YOU" IS MEANT AS, "YOU, PER SAY" AND NOT ANYONE OF YOU INDIVIDUALLY!

PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME ANY INSPIRING MESSAGE ON BEING ALONE, OR LETTING PEOPLE IN OR 'GOD WILL PROVIDE' as that is not why I felt the need to post this, and am working on my own issues as we speak. I just really, really detest lying, in any shape or form, and an extreem lack of balls on people I had given credit to actually having some! I also hate being disappointed!
(©2010 RayleneDeschenes)

My Top Facebook Words!

I found an app that calculated the words I use most on my Facebook posts, found it rather interesting and thought you would too! 

LOL is my Top Word.  Why am I not suprised?   Wine is number 4, but Hate is number 5.   Hate is a powerful word and not at all in keeping with my happy-ass attitude I'm trying to maintain for my own mental sanity.  The word Crazy didn't even make the list and I use crazy alot, or maybe I'm just reading the word crazy in comments to my posts.  I'm old and confuse easly!  LOL!  I used Mom 12 times.  I have to stop talking about my mom, but she's a trip and very funny in her own right.  Our car trips are a sitcom waiting to happen!  So here they are in all their glory.    What are your Top Words?


1):lol - used 38 times

2):really - used 19 times

3):good - used 19 times

4):wine - used 18 times

5):hate - used 16 times

6):think - used 16 times

7):why - used 14 times

8):mom - used 12 times

9):computer - used 12 times

10):christmas - used 12 times
 
NOTE TO SELF:  Time to reread the Thesaurus - it's been a while, apparently!

The Twelve Days of Christmas by Moi!

Revised 26Dec09 because the after reading it for the upteenth time it bored me.  I like my shorter version so much better and you will too!


On the twelveth day or Christmas
my true love gave to me
twelve neon colored condoms
and one really big bra!

Eleven pairs of fishnets
Ten gossamer nighties
Nine satin G-Strings
Eight naughty negligees
Seven come hither corsettes
Six frilly garter belts
Five barely there thongs!

Four silky camisoles
Three lace teddies
Two pairs of Panties
One really big bra!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

Love Lost

I wrote these next three poems, Here In Me, Alone At Last, and Love Lost quite a few years ago, but I really like them and thought you might too.  I think we can all relate.  Please enjoy!


Here In Me

Here in me
with eyes I see
the war of life
fought with strife
I wish to God
that I could see
a world of  love
I could be free.
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)


Alone At Last

In my room
alone at last
seeing pictures
of the past
Remembering the good
forgetting the bad
all in all
it makes me sad
Losing the love
I sought to gain
having only me
to blame.
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)


Love Lost

Love lost
that's what they say
Love lost
it's the price you pay

Broken promises
a part of me
Broken promises
they all can see

Shattered dreams
the pieces gone
Shattered dreams
and life goes on

Tears fall
I cry for you
Tears fall
I know we're through

Hurt heals
I'll say goodbye
Hurt heals
We lived a lie

Broken promises
your pictures burned
Broken promises
a lesson learned
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

25 Things Everyone Would Want To Know About Me, But Didn't Know They Wanted To Know Until They Knew It!

This was a request from a friend on facebook who had written 25 things about herself and shared with me.  I liked the idea, but didn't think I would ever be able to come up with 25 things about me. Well, once I got started, I couldn't stop.  That's a lie.  I could stop, but all day other things kept popping into my mind - We all know how scary that can be!  LOL!  So, here you are - 25 Things about me!

1. I talk to myself because sometimes that is the only way I am able to have any kind of an intelligent conversation with anyone here for the day.


2. I was afraid of kids until I had my own. I'm still not a big fan, but if they are polite and somewhat intelligent, I can hang.

3. All most everything I own was in storage. Last December, I gave up my storage, not because I couldn't pay for it, I could, but because I came to the realization it was just stuff. If I dropped dead tomorrow, who's going to care about any of it? It's just junk to everyone else. Except for my art, but I can draw and paint more. Memories are inside your head and your heart. They have nothing to do with things.

4. I have a safe with valuables in it and I can't remember the combination to open it. Silly me! So, until I get the money for a locksmith, those things are safe even from me!

5. I have lived most of my adult life in the fast lane - just like the song says. I have met some rather colorful people and have had some rather unique experiences that I wouldn't really recommend to anyone. I took an exit a few years ago, because my children were getting older and it was time for me to grow up. I don't regret nor do I apologize to anyone (my children included) for the decisions I have made. They made me who I am today and I really like who I am today. If I had it to do all over again, I would in a heartbeat!

6. OMG, I have to come up with 20 more things about me?

7. I taught Art and Crafts to Girl Scout Leaders for a few years. I never knew it took a talent to do crafts until I had to teach adults to glue a couple of Popsicles sticks together and quite a few couldn't do it. We're talking crafts I taught 5 and 6 year olds earlier that summer. Who knew?

8. I'm 5' tall. 5'4" to 5'6" when wearing heals. I LOVE stilettos! Had a lovely collection - till I got rid of my storage! LOL!

9. I don't eat meat except for an occasional Hebrew National Hot dog or a BLT made with this microwave bacon my mom buys. I haven't ate meat (including fowl) since I was 10years old. I saw a documentary on slaughter houses and that was it for me.

10. I really, really suck at sports, except for swimming. I could swim my ass off! LOL!

11. I was thrown off the company softball team because they found out my friend and I had dumped the contents of our Big Gulps and refilled them with wine. I thought we played the bench position we were given when we had a little wine under our belts, but the coach was not in agreement. Silly coach!

12. My grandmother died after years of Alzheimer's. Every time someone even mentions Alzheimer's I burst out in tears. This made watching Grey's Anatomy very hard until they killed off Meridith's mother. The tears would flow so hard, I couldn't see Dr. McDreamy, which made watching the show pointless!

13. I held a record for truancy at Rancho High School for years. If it wasn't for 8 years of Catholic School, I never would have graduated high school. Even then our public school system sucked!

14. I went to Charm School. Charm School Basic, Mid and Advanced. I know which fork to use in any situation.

15. When I went to New York, my brother and I hit some of the hot clubs there at the time. When there was a line to get in I would go up to the bouncer an start a little small talk. Not only did we not once have to wait in line to get in to these places, but in quite a few, we got a great table and were even comped. I was just really good like that! LOL!

16. Before I had kids, I ALWAYS set a formal table for dinner. Used to drive my then boyfriend up the wall and scare the people I may have invited to dinner. LOL!

17. There is a series of 7 books that someone (Forget who - this was a long time ago) wrote about revenge. I read every one. I thought this was good to know if Karma takes too long. LOL!

18. I love to talk to people. Anywhere, any time, any place. No matter where I go, I end up with a new 'friend'. My family has issues with this.

19. I used to go to Wal-Mart on Nellis and Bonanza at 2am just to talk to the two senior citizen guys in the sporting goods section. They had great stories to tell. I would be there for hours sometimes, just listening to their stories. When we moved up here, I lost touch with them. I really miss them.

20. I was 13 when I got my first job. I cleaned the insurance office next to my dad's barber shop on Saturdays. I made $5.00 an hour which was quite a lot considering the minimum wage then was $1.35 an hour. The man who owned the office gave me $20.00 a week for doing that, even if it only took an hour on some days! He said I did a great job, so consider the rest a tip. I did this till I was 16 then passed to job to my sister.

21. When one of the grade school teachers gave my son a list of spelling words and told him to use them in a sentence. He and I came up with one sentence in which we were able to use all 20 words. This is something I ALWAYS wanted to do, but in Catholic School you didn't dare! The teacher called me that night (my kids teachers were ALWAYS calling me. LOL!) and said she gave Frankie and I an A+ for that, but in the future she would like one sentence for each word. LOL!

22. I absolutely can not deal with being bored. I go absolutely nuts, literally. I have a paper and pencil with me at all times just in case. I have been late for appointments because I'd have to come back home to get them. If I get bored I draw. Some of my best work has been created on the 3 hr bus drive from Henderson to where I live

23. When I was 13yrs old I created these little dolls that a Hallmark franchise in Montana was interested in selling in their stores and really wanted to place an order for them. After some consideration I turned them down. Stupid, stupid me!

24. I was a bartender once. I gave it up to cocktail tables at that same establishment. I told them I could make more money cocktailing than being behind the bar. They gave me the slowest shift in the bar. Everyone thought I was nuts. I proved them all wrong. I made more money then, working part time, than I ever did before or since - And I have had some very good paying jobs!

25. I did it! 25 things about me that I don't know why anyone would want to know, but here it is! Have at it and enjoy and don't forget to send me 25 things about you that you don't know why I would want to know, but have decided to share with me anyway! LOL! Love you all!  (©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

The Hiring Game

My resume sucks, I need to rewrite it. Ughhhh! What are the "action words" today? Is it to long? Is it to short? Does it sound positive? Does it convey who I am? Does it.......Ughhhh! What the hell is wrong with straight forward "This is who I am, this is what I've done and this is why you need to have me working... for you"? I hate games! Job hunting is nothing but a game anymore - you play well, you get hired.


I used to play the game very well. I don't ever remember applying for a job, interviewing and not getting it. I don't play well anymore because I think it's a crock of shit that it has become as ridiculous as it has.

Gone are the days, when ethics, morals and professionalism and loyalty count for more than a hill of beans.

I love it when I'm asked "give me an example of when you did such and such and if that has never happened to you what would you do if it did?" I was really good at coming up with what they wanted to hear. Of course, who's to say if it's what I would do in a given situation, it doesn't really matter, because they don't care what you did or would do - they want you to give them the answer they want to hear or you're out of there faster than you got in!

Life's to short to play silly mindless games, people! Put some ethics back into the hiring process and just maybe you'll start attracting a better, more ethical, not to mention loyal and professional employee!

I'm really over the f-ing games I have to play with newly graduated collage students who have their heads up their asses! No wonder you need cameras every thirty feet to keep tabs on your employees! You have idiots hiring idiots!

Thank you for your attention in this matter, I may not ever get hired now because of this, but I feel a whole lot better! I'm posting this on my blog and letting the chips fall where they may! Because I just have to be me!   (©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

The Meaning of Life by Moi!

He is a turd
She is a turd
We're all turds
on the windshield of life!

You are a turd
But not just any turd
your an ishy squishy turd
on the windshield of life!

We're not talking bug goop
We're not talking pigion poop
We're talking very special (insert name) poop
on the windshield of life!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

I wrote this for my kids, way back when.  Each one of them sang it for show and tell at school.  And that was just the begining of the calls from their teachers I would be getting throughout their school career!  LOL!

All I'm Asking, Lord... by Moi!

All I'm Asking, Lord..... could be both a poem and a song! 
That's right!   I wrote this originally to be sung to Janice Joplin's "Lord, Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes Benz!" 
(I'm clever like that!  LOL!))

Lord won't you buy me
a new pair of blue jeans

these jeans are old jeans
I'm bursting my inseams

And Lord,
if you'd be so kind
to throw in a bra

to help minimize
my one figure flaw!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My Grandma Deschenes

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH: One of the first mastectomies ever performed at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, NY, was performed on my Grandmother, Dianne Deschenes. She died a few years later.  I'm very proud and in awe of the strengh and courage (that I can't even imagine) she had to have had to allow them to remove both of her breasts - a procedure virtually unheard of and terribly, terribly risky back then. Thank you to her and every other women (and their families) who have gone through this ordeal since. Beacuse of you great strides have been made in the fight against breast cancer that otherwise may have been lost to us . You are all awesome women! And Grandma Deschenes, I am so very proud of you! All our love..........

One Of My MOST Favorite Quotes by Moi! (Me!)

"it is the frustration of failure that drives the will to succeed, producing a feeling of joy and confidence that allows us the strength and determination to move on to the next challenge at hand.  In a nutshell - mankind would still be hanging by our tails in the trees if we didn't have to go out and find our own bananas!"  (©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

City Rain (by Moi! Inspired by my dear friend Max)

Cool wet rain on the streets below
filling, thrashing, tread splashing
pedestrians dashing
couples clashing
Wall Street crashing
concert goers mashing
ho's flashing
pimps cashing
homeless trashing
I feel the cool blue of my diamond ring
all my other bling
I know it ain't over till the fat lady sings!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My friend Max inspired this rap when he posted on his Facebook (12Jun09):
"Cool wet rain on the street below, filling, thrashing, tread splashing....." 
I think this would make a great Rap!  LOL!
I Love you and I miss you, Max!

Ode to Lorena Bobbit

Lorena Bobbit had a knife
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!

Her husband pushed too far one night
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!

She smiled with glee
chop, chop, chop
How will he pee?
chop, chop, chop

All you big guys
think you're neat
don't forget
Revenge is Sweet!
chop, chop, chop, chop, CHOP!
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

My Resume And The Upteenth Update

I have spend the last week updating my resume and am still not happy with the results.  How do you acount for the 'year from hell' you have been unemployed?  You have to make it sound interesting, upbeat, and excusable.  Quite a feat, and one I am attacking with relish (a little mustard and onion on a sesame seed bun!  LOL!).

Resumes.  Ahggggggggggg! 

I have been working since I was 13yrs old.  When I found out I was pregnant I quit and spent the next 15 years raising my family.  For quite awhile, the one liner  "raising my family" was sufficient, untill that fateful day a few years ago, when a company hired me and then told me I had to account in detail for those 15 years to complete the hiring process. 

What?

A little peturbed, I went with my sarcastic self and accounted for those fifteen years as follows:

Chief Everything Officer


Deschenes Family
Las Vegas, Nevada
06/1989 - present

*Household and Schedule Organization, Financial Planning and Creative Bookkeeping
(including Extensive Accounts Payable and Accounts Receivable experience)

*Excels at multi tasking

*Unbelievably adept at Conflict Resolution, Self-confidence Restoration and Ego Boosting

* Basic First Aid & Life Saving Techniques as required

*Remains extremely calm during Catastrophes and Catastrophic Events

*Extensive Childcare and Teen Maintenance experience

*Excellently managed a household of three children (infancy thru puberty) and one adult male.

*Absolutely Excellent People Skills
(with people of all ages, backgrounds and varying brain functions)
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)

This is damn good if I do say so myself.

Now I have to do it again and I don't think "pleasee see below, minus the one adult male, but insert one cranky senior citizen who's life I have saved numerous times (seriously)"  will do it.  I did contemplate just a "Ditto, minus one adult male, insert one cranky senior citizen who's life I have saved numerous times (seriously)", but felt that showed a lack of seriousness and my rather frivouless attitude tward the application process as a whole.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I probably should not post this untill after I manage to secure a job, but WHAT THE HELL!  Being me, I'm going to post it anyway and hope for the best.  

All I can offer any company is Me.  And that is a lot to offer.  I'm an honest and above-board person who gives any company I'm with 100 percent.  All that I ask is the same in return.  Don't ask me for my thoughts and ideas if you don't want to hear them - I don't like being appeased and I don't like playing games and in return I will afford you the same courtesy.

I fully believe customer service is just that - service!  Every single job is a customer service job if you think about it.   If you think customer service is saying the customers name 3 times and giving them 3.5 minutes of your employees time, then don't hire me.  I'm not for you.  If you believe every customer and every employee really is important and deserves the utmost respect then I'm who you want.  I will amaze and flabergast you and we will be happy campers together for a long time to come!  
(©2009 RayleneDeschenes)